My thoughts...

.....Although at York College, it seems we don't learn the right new things each day.

We didn't learn anything new about the topic "government, policies and the public services" however we did learn that Alan Stringer knows absloutely nothing about the subject.

One thing we did learn at college today is that we failed that unit. Thanks boss, although it may have been helpful to have told us we'd failed more than 2 and a half hours before the deadline for this year! Wankers!

To top the stress off from college today the notorious librarians, an evil, elitist force featuring a varied range of bizarre characters, otherwise known as Fat Patrol made their usual cameo appearance, which made me lose my temper with them! They began to come close to me as if i'd feel threatened by their skeletal frames and their shrivelly complexions. "GET OUT!!! PUT THAT DOWN!! LEAVE AT ONCE!!! THERE'S AN ALARM!!" As Jed pointed out , "Pity there wasn't a fire".

Fat Patrol with their name which makes no sense, as I can only thing of one very overweight member of their team, however she seems to be the Deputy leader of this fierce crew, only second to the one and only SNICKERS!!!

*Insert Jaws music*

Every member of Fat Patrol is either obese, shrivelly, german or looks like a porn star (according to Jed). Don't be fooled by their unconventional super elite appearances! No joke about it boys, if you have any edible snacks or drinks around, this team will sniff it out and be first on the scene. College students have been known to be reduced to hiding under desks from these evil creatures, have their chairs visciously IMPOUNDED whilst still sat on it and general abuse from and if there is more than "one to a machine" then consider yourself dead. Watch out. They are FAT PATROL.

Not writing much today. My day of conflict with Fat Patrol has well and truly taken it out of me.

Soon I guess, unfortunately for you!

I think I'm quite insane overall!

No, I've been thinking I'm a tad odd for a while now, but when you're sat up at 2am with college in the morning, laughing hysterically at parodies of songs involving my bud, Drew Hanson's name, on my own, it kind of hit home a bit just now. Hah.

Seriously, I'm finding these adapted lyrics such as
 
"I'm a Drewist, I'm a romantic. I'm an indecisive, an indecisive, piece of Drew." and  the equally non-funny-to-a-normal person

"I even want Drew's hair and I want his name, cos we all just wanna be big Drewstars, live in Hilltop houses driving fifteen Drews, the Drews come easy and the Drews come cheap and we'll all stay skinny cos we'll just have Drew, every good gold diggers gonna want some drew every play boy Drew with the bleach blonde hair, hey hey I wanna be a Drewstar."  absloutley hilarious.

Yes. I'm aware I probably wrote one of the longest, gramatically incorrect sentences of all time there. 'Fraid I don't give a feese though.

Might as well keep writing seeing as I'm in a such an eccentric and bizarre mood. So yeah, the last few days have been quite random, the usual college bullying and immense paranoia levels have been shiggling as per. Even I'm sick of the EMA/Tory argument now Will, even though he doesn't believe me. Anyway, I started to think about the roots of my issues, and one thing that sprung to mind was my dislike of my appearance, which I think I have been pushing to the back of my mind for a few months now.

Came out last week though when I was highly intoxicated as I tend to be on Fridays - in fact the day really doesn't mean much to me anymore when it comes to booze these days - but I was apparently on the phone to Miguel and burst out crying for some reason and he couldn't understand what I was saying. Whoops. Slightly ashamed to say it, but typical me. Turns out the reason I was emotional was a mixture of low self esteem and wrongly believing my compadres had left me in the woods on my own.......The first stupid tard problem was resolved.... by Mark singing (may I add - rather wonderfully) "You're Beautiful" to me - Thanks mate, your serenade helped amazingly....

I don't really remember this episode, but I heard a lot about various phone calls I made once I got home, paticularly from Dan, who finds the fact that I was speaking like a Cockney with dementia about world politics, my appearance and his potential in life at 3 O'clock in the morning to him rather strange and he loves to remind me of it at every given oppertunity.

So as for this whole weight malarky, I've had a pretty retarded diet this last week, mainly consisting of eggs and sort-of-but-not-quite-prawn-crackers.  As I'm a vegetarian and on this new 'become confident diet' I've found myself thinking: WHAT EXACTLY CAN I EAT?? 
                     
Also heard rumours about eggs producing ovarian cancer so I'm severly hoping that that is in fact a rumour.

Usually I'm all for being bigger than everyone mashed together in HEAT magazine etc etc, but this week it just seems to have caused a couple of problems, from refusing to be carried at college in a task to being trampoline raped, it just doesn't look like it's worth the hassle or everyone I'm around's sanity.  So for now it sounds like it's bye constant cheese supply and hello crappy tasting shit like fucking ryvita however you spell the bastard, it seriously tastes of cardboard with herpes I think.

But yeah, I have to be up for college in 4 and a half hours and I'm still wide awake. Bloody hell.

Err so, sorry for the rant, it's calmed me down a tad.
Take care I guess people, if anyone actually managed to read all this without wanting to push me under a 16 wheeler.  I
n a bit x