My thoughts...

.....Although at York College, it seems we don't learn the right new things each day.

We didn't learn anything new about the topic "government, policies and the public services" however we did learn that Alan Stringer knows absloutely nothing about the subject.

One thing we did learn at college today is that we failed that unit. Thanks boss, although it may have been helpful to have told us we'd failed more than 2 and a half hours before the deadline for this year! Wankers!

To top the stress off from college today the notorious librarians, an evil, elitist force featuring a varied range of bizarre characters, otherwise known as Fat Patrol made their usual cameo appearance, which made me lose my temper with them! They began to come close to me as if i'd feel threatened by their skeletal frames and their shrivelly complexions. "GET OUT!!! PUT THAT DOWN!! LEAVE AT ONCE!!! THERE'S AN ALARM!!" As Jed pointed out , "Pity there wasn't a fire".

Fat Patrol with their name which makes no sense, as I can only thing of one very overweight member of their team, however she seems to be the Deputy leader of this fierce crew, only second to the one and only SNICKERS!!!

*Insert Jaws music*

Every member of Fat Patrol is either obese, shrivelly, german or looks like a porn star (according to Jed). Don't be fooled by their unconventional super elite appearances! No joke about it boys, if you have any edible snacks or drinks around, this team will sniff it out and be first on the scene. College students have been known to be reduced to hiding under desks from these evil creatures, have their chairs visciously IMPOUNDED whilst still sat on it and general abuse from and if there is more than "one to a machine" then consider yourself dead. Watch out. They are FAT PATROL.

Not writing much today. My day of conflict with Fat Patrol has well and truly taken it out of me.

Soon I guess, unfortunately for you!

I think I'm quite insane overall!

No, I've been thinking I'm a tad odd for a while now, but when you're sat up at 2am with college in the morning, laughing hysterically at parodies of songs involving my bud, Drew Hanson's name, on my own, it kind of hit home a bit just now. Hah.

Seriously, I'm finding these adapted lyrics such as
 
"I'm a Drewist, I'm a romantic. I'm an indecisive, an indecisive, piece of Drew." and  the equally non-funny-to-a-normal person

"I even want Drew's hair and I want his name, cos we all just wanna be big Drewstars, live in Hilltop houses driving fifteen Drews, the Drews come easy and the Drews come cheap and we'll all stay skinny cos we'll just have Drew, every good gold diggers gonna want some drew every play boy Drew with the bleach blonde hair, hey hey I wanna be a Drewstar."  absloutley hilarious.

Yes. I'm aware I probably wrote one of the longest, gramatically incorrect sentences of all time there. 'Fraid I don't give a feese though.

Might as well keep writing seeing as I'm in a such an eccentric and bizarre mood. So yeah, the last few days have been quite random, the usual college bullying and immense paranoia levels have been shiggling as per. Even I'm sick of the EMA/Tory argument now Will, even though he doesn't believe me. Anyway, I started to think about the roots of my issues, and one thing that sprung to mind was my dislike of my appearance, which I think I have been pushing to the back of my mind for a few months now.

Came out last week though when I was highly intoxicated as I tend to be on Fridays - in fact the day really doesn't mean much to me anymore when it comes to booze these days - but I was apparently on the phone to Miguel and burst out crying for some reason and he couldn't understand what I was saying. Whoops. Slightly ashamed to say it, but typical me. Turns out the reason I was emotional was a mixture of low self esteem and wrongly believing my compadres had left me in the woods on my own.......The first stupid tard problem was resolved.... by Mark singing (may I add - rather wonderfully) "You're Beautiful" to me - Thanks mate, your serenade helped amazingly....

I don't really remember this episode, but I heard a lot about various phone calls I made once I got home, paticularly from Dan, who finds the fact that I was speaking like a Cockney with dementia about world politics, my appearance and his potential in life at 3 O'clock in the morning to him rather strange and he loves to remind me of it at every given oppertunity.

So as for this whole weight malarky, I've had a pretty retarded diet this last week, mainly consisting of eggs and sort-of-but-not-quite-prawn-crackers.  As I'm a vegetarian and on this new 'become confident diet' I've found myself thinking: WHAT EXACTLY CAN I EAT?? 
                     
Also heard rumours about eggs producing ovarian cancer so I'm severly hoping that that is in fact a rumour.

Usually I'm all for being bigger than everyone mashed together in HEAT magazine etc etc, but this week it just seems to have caused a couple of problems, from refusing to be carried at college in a task to being trampoline raped, it just doesn't look like it's worth the hassle or everyone I'm around's sanity.  So for now it sounds like it's bye constant cheese supply and hello crappy tasting shit like fucking ryvita however you spell the bastard, it seriously tastes of cardboard with herpes I think.

But yeah, I have to be up for college in 4 and a half hours and I'm still wide awake. Bloody hell.

Err so, sorry for the rant, it's calmed me down a tad.
Take care I guess people, if anyone actually managed to read all this without wanting to push me under a 16 wheeler.  I
n a bit x

Can I just say this blog has been a long time coming!!! Now I am inspired to write an angry blog about the infamous Neil Bull, whose nipples, fantasies and wrongly aggressive ways have been the topic of many conversations and songs over the last few weeks.

Basically for those of you who don't know I'll fill you in on the details.....

Several of The Beasts were at Neil's house a Friday or 3 ago, drinking and the usual playing songs, and annoyingly Neil trying to show off with his videos, of which we all already knew the dialogue and everything that happens off by heart. Wasn't bad at first, was quite funny. Even after Neil decided to bring me down on my new vegetarian way of life (Oh God how immoral of me)it was still the usual. Then it became time for The Beasts to leave for home, a journey that should at most of taken about 10 minutes for me, 15 depending on the amount of alcohol consumed that night. However Neil decided for whatever reason, I still don't know to this day why he wanted to accompany us. No more than two minutes after we set off he "wanted to talk to me" which Louise and Salad didn't agree to until i foolishly said "no it'll be ok I'll talk to him". He immediately he brought up something I said at the beginning of the week, "I don't like how you talk about women, please don't talk to me about them in future, thanks". He started shouting how I was a slag and how I was "as bad as him" and how the only reason he went out with Heather was because she liked him and how he still loved Louise, Charlotte and various other members of the female half of the population. Louise went home as she was getting angry calls from her legendary, tea-towel loving mother which left me and Neil arguing with Salad well just there. Me and Salad said we were leaving after the vulgar and total bollacks things that were coming out of his grease horrid hole in his face and proceeded to walk with more haste. Neil decided to run after us and grab hold of my arm yet again and continued to shout in my face. I pushed him away, not even hard, so he thought it was okay to smack me in the face and round the head twice, knocking me to the floor and climbed on top of me where he began to slap me round the head and shouting and spitting in my face. A bit hazy this part to be honest, I just remember feeling a huge lump of shock, sadness and hatred and I can remember shouting at Salad to get him off me. I managed to get up onto my feet again and me and Salad started walking towards my house. Neil then began to call the police and report evil me for assault. Have you ever heard anything quite as funny in your life? Apart from that Neil and this whole situation was about as funny as cancer. However basically that is where the thing started.

A phone call from PC Whitehead who dealt with the DD'd bastard confirmed he'd spent much of the day in a cell and that Neil had seemed "very remorseful". That's why I've had an apolagy obviously! God. What a twat!?

Many songs and myspace pictures and comments have been devised since the event verbally attacking Neil and his fuck tard ways. The most famous of the songs being titled simply "Neil in the sky with nipples".

I've respected The Beatles a hell of a lot since I can remember, but I would just love to thank them all personally, just to let them know the amusement they have caused many members of York College, and other Beast associates. Here are the lyrics, devised the night after it happened by the Beasts at Chez Mark.

"Picture yourself on a train down to London,
With stimulant trees and woman-beat-skies
Some fatty calls you, you answer quite horny,
A girl with the nig coloured eye...

Neil in the sky with nipples,
Neil in the sky with nipples,
Neil in the sky with nipples,
aaaaaaand  meaaaaaat!"

I think it's fair to say what Neil did was way out of order. Unprovoked, and totally proved his argument of him "respecting women" Haha it's such a joke and immensely ironic. The reason he hit me though I suppose was a back handed compliment. He didn't hit me because he' superiour, he didn't hit me because he's "hard" or stronger than me and he didn't hit me because I was doing anything wrong. He hit me because I voiced my opinion which happened to be against his and different to his and also the main factor : HE KNEW WHAT I WAS SAYING WAS RIGHT. He DOESN'T respect women enough. He talks down to them, goes out with anyone who expresses interest in him, gives necklaces to other girls on Valentines day when he has somebody else and talks about women like they're only their for HIS PERSONAL enjoyment. I was right and he couldn't handle it. He's too arrogant though and always has been to realize his faults.

The latest Neil update is that he had the audacity to go up to Michael Desmond and tell him that the Beasts hated him and he should "block us all out". Neil you little bitch!! You always used to say how he annoyed you when he slagged off Michael Hastwell or however you spell his name. The sooner you go to Uni the better I say, I just hope that once you get there or in your future you don't hit another woman or anybody else in fact for no reason in unfair circumstances.